A Comedian's Guide to Theology by Thor Ramsey

Author:Thor Ramsey [Ramsey, Thor]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Apologetics—Miscellanea, Apologetics—Humor, Theology—Miscellanea, Theology—Humor, Christianity—Humor, Christianity—Miscellanea
ISBN: 9781441225603
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2014-06-19T00:00:00+00:00

Hinduism: Buddhism Without Buddha

Hinduism is often said to be the oldest religion, but only because Noah and his family never made their relationship with God an official religion. This is why patent laws exist today.

Hinduism is a lot like Buddhism, but without the Buddha. Buddhism is basically an outgrowth of Hinduism, a kind of new and improved Hinduism without all those annoying little gods. There are literally millions of gods in Hinduism. And you thought denominations were a problem? Hinduism also has this very vague force called Brahman, which helps space cadets in battle or something. Brahman is an impersonal and transcendent force that pervades everything that lives and breathes, and I mean everything. Your cat has Brahman. Your innermost self is identical to Brahman, according to Hinduism. You and your cat’s innermost self both have Brahman. This is why cats seem to ignore people. They are contemplating the universe. Dogs don’t have Brahman. Dogs are without souls, and that’s why it’s okay to shoot them when they bark at night.8

The idea of Brahman is similar to the concept of God’s omnipresence. God’s presence pervades everything in life. In Him we live and move and have our cake and eat it too (or so we think these days). We can’t take a breath except that God’s presence in our world allows it. Everything in life owes its breath to God. Even your pets. This is why cats ignore you. They are dependent upon God.

Dogs have no souls.

While thoroughly researching Hinduism by typing the word “Hinduism” into the little Google box, I discovered that Hinduism “does not have a single founder, a specific theological system, a single system of morality, or a central religious organization.”9 They might believe in one main god with multiple little gods, or just lots of gods. It depends. So, basically, if you have a little statue, a mat and you believe in reincarnation, you can practice Hinduism.

One of the main tenets of Hinduism is reincarnation. Personally, I have come to the conclusion that if reincarnation is true, if I have lived other lives, then I want my stuff back. That’s a lot of accumulated real estate, thank you.

The transmigration of the soul and what people return to Earth as, much like Buddhism, has to do with “the spiritual bank account.” Hinduism calls “the spiritual bank account” karma, allowing really rich people to think they deserve to be really rich because they were so wonderful in a past life. No wonder this is so popular in show business, the elite in a caste society. It’s just more accolades. Good job, man. Way to go. You deserve everything that comes your way. And if you see a bum starving on the corner, leave him be. He probably deserves it. Who are you to monkey with the law of karma? If you relieve his suffering, how will he ever fulfill his suffering quota?

That is more of a westernized view of Hinduism, though. In more traditional Hinduism, and in Buddhism

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